Twentysomethings

Most of the young women that I have been working with in my practice this week fall in this age range and I gave them this name, saying "Ah, you twentysomethings!". Come to find out this descriptor has already been used with there being websites, blogs and even a business with that name. I read somewhere that this group is approaching their "quarter-life crisis". My goodness! Isn't a midlife crisis enough?

But I'm concerned about these young ladies. I found myself wanting to wrap each one of them in my arms and give them a big hug. They look so grownup on the outside, holding captive the little girl who is on the inside. With just a nudge and the offering of my safety and protection, the door opens and the little girl comes bursting out. They even begin to look like little girls as they hang their heads and the tears begin to run down their cheeks. This is especially true of those who have suffered emotional, physical or sexual abuse during their childhoods. My message: "It' OK now; no one can hurt you anymore; let down those walls."

So why are they in my office? Many of them have, unfortunately chosen to marry at a time when they are not emotionally ready. There has been an extended adolescence. Emotional tasks previously completed in teenage years are still left uncompleted in the early twenties these days. I admit to needing to learn more about the reasons for this. These young women are not ready to face the demands of a making a lifelong relationship commitment because they have not finished with the establishment of their own individual identities. They are clueless when I ask them questions regarding who they are and what they want to do with their lives. The same is probably true for young men but young men do not typically find themselves sitting by choice in a psychologist's office. Also, it's time for many of them to begin to face the demons of their past, finally breaking away from abusive parents. They thought out of sight-out of mind would be the answer, having moved clear across the country in many instances. However, those horrific memories remain in their minds and in their hearts.

So often these young people try to outrun their sadness, anger, anxiety and other negative emotions. They resort to partying, spending time in the clubs, arguing and distancing themselves from boyfriends, husbands and partners. All sorts of behaviors are evidenced to try to fight the funk. They begin to realize that their lives are out of control and that they need help. The first step is to learn to BE STILL, to learn to sit quietly and to become MINDFUL of the feelings. They have to gain insight into what the feelings are in order to develop healthy coping strategies. This is a brief description of a long process. I am sharing this though to say that change and ultimately emotional healing are possible.

So twentysomethings and those of you in some sort of association with twentysomethings, this post has been for you. This is the time to focus on your PERSONAL GROWTH, deciding who you are and what you want to do with your life. This is the time to work on any unfinished business with your family of origin before moving forward towards making your own family. I say there's a good chance that you are not ready. I'm aware though that you may not listen to me. Being twentysomething, you know more than I know since I'm still living "back in the day" and I'm not "up with" the trends of the new generation...another issue..for another post...